That's right, a recap!

It's been a while since I wrote a game recap and I'd like to thank everyone who points that fact out to me....constantly.  I'm going to have to tread very carefully here as these blogs now have a tendency to start wars between teams.  I'll have a lawyer (a real one not Russ) look over my post after I write it to edit out any references to Whiskey ###### and the #### Museum or the Please Touch #######.  First, let's look around the league at what we missed.  Aside from the Email-ocaust between aforementioned rascals, there were some games with obvious playoff implications.  Most recently, the Fleisher narrowly lost to the Pencilhattans.  I say they lost not that the Pencil won because, well, I was the game.  If I could have given out two losses I would have.  Neither team wanted to win but the Fleisher wanted to not win just that much more.  That's playoff softball!  Dedication, devotion, and turning all the nighttime into the day.  Kyle Jacobs played a lock down short against Nevins who couldn't solve that pesky hit it to the grass approach.  And Brennan saved the game with a leaping catch on a high throw from Donlen that reached nearly 4 feet at its apex.  The Blogfather said he wasn't going to play and then pitched the whole game in a shrewd tactical maneuver that baffled the Fleisher Band Circle.  Really thought the Circle was gonna show up after a narrow miss (8-5) against the Collar the week before.  Fleisher, looking like an early favorite for the 3 seed after beating the Fart ###### earlier is now looking like the .500 team I picked early in the year.  But kudos to the Pencil for winning the game they needed to win.

And on to our game
Most competitive game we've played in years and I mean that by number of good plays and good hits, not just by score alone.  18-16 good guys over the Elmer Twelve.  Seriously, Elmer put like 7 people on that team in an effort to usurp power from Alvin or Benson or whatever puppet regime is "running things."  Things looked dire in the top of the first when the Ball Taps singled, singled, then one of the Ogres hit a bomb to right center field that cleared the bases.  3-0, no outs, long night.  But then, Ed took his ginseng and settled down.  Ogre fly out to left, Camel fly out, hit, Benson ground out or something.  3 runs.  We scored three in the bottom of the 1st, 2 with no out and 2 outs after The Management decided to hit a sac fly to right with one out...foul.  Some called it a foolish ploy.  Others called it a stroke of genius.  The latter group was much smaller.  The game went back and forth and most of the time Catahoula was up.  We were actually up by 6 at one point 12-6 but again elected to hemorrhage that lead like Walmsly with a victim's open head wound.  So after a neck and neck battle, it was tied going into the bottom of the 6th.  We clawed together some hits, and put two on the board.  That set the stage for the 7th.  Trailing by two runs with the bottom of the order up, there was a pop out to left, a ground out to second and then Joey Whiteshoes came to the plate with 2 outs, none on, down by 2.  He laced a single to left center field.  The Nicktatorship quickly got to the ball and threw a bullet to second whereupon, shockingly, Whiteshoes was coming in hot, trying to stretch it into a double.  What transpired was one of the weirder scenes in slowpitch softball.  Being the careful tactician that he is, the Management received the throw in plenty of time, moved several steps in front of the bag to meet the runner who had yet to slide, placed his foot in the area that was likely to block the foot and applied the tag in plenty of time.  Now I don't like to use the words "ridiculously out" very often so I won't.  Instead I'll use the term "unquestionably, incontrovertibly out."  Now, some say Camels have terrible night vision, others say they're completely blind and move around by following a gradient of horse semen odor.  Either way, the Camel initially throws up an out sign...then says "but he was safe" and puts out the safe sign.  To which, those of us on the field said, "you're kidding right?" To which he puts up the out sign again....and says but he was under it so he was safe.  But I'm calling him out on principle....but he was safe.  This went on for quite a bit as no one understood a) what the call was b)why he was being asstarded and c) whether we should still be on the field.   Still have no idea.  Waiting for the replays on CCSLbaseball later today.  Which should show how out he was despite what Adam convinced himself of just to be difficult.  Game over.  Big win.  Championship implications.  And all without Pete....and Skinner...and Vellia.

Quotes from the week

"I had a role of penises that were more satisfying."
-La Nice

"Ryan has a small penis."
-No one ever

"Let's go Germ: the Irish Hepatitis C."
-someone about Derm

"Don't go in the portapotty, you'll get Hep C."
"No, Derm, you don't.  That's Hep A."
Me and Derm, utilizing my 8 years of post-college schooling for the first time ever

"Phyllis ran here because she's wet."
Ford

"We used to have a good blog."
Bunch of people, incorrectly.  It was never good.

"Doesn't seem any different from his other poops.  I wouldn't worry.  He doesn't appear to be in any pain.  He was in a good mood all day and went right to sleep with no problems."
Jess about Derm

"I'm holding our Chess game ransom until you update the shitty blog."
Lot of Derm quotes today

"Pickle don't play me no more."
Twatwer

"I hate the fucker  ########### and his whiny shitty blog."
#########

"Come on teams!  We can all make up at the Full Moon Rallye this weekend."

"It's like a Harry Potter convention with all these Ogres."
Matty Matty Matty

"He's very safe, Ryan."
"You're drunk."

Week 5 picks for Derm

Monday
Fleisher at Pencil +3
Zoo at Mickles Buddy Scratch n Sniff +12
Pickles +11 at Collar

Tuesday
CCSL Game of the Week
Ball Taps+2 at Catahoula
Fart at Zoo+5
Mickles at Bad Green Touch+5

Week 4 Picks....well, half of them.

Tuesday games.

Catahoula Fightin's at the Twatwers +14
Fart Ray Solids at Gardeners +3
Ball Tap Elmers at 1-4 Collar +7

Don't worry that it's nipply outside.

Hey Phyllis, I said nipply.

On T-shirts in 5...4...3...

Games 3 and 4, recaps! Now with 30% more dry sarcasm.

Fun week.  First game was a 14-4 battle against the Bad Touch with a new name.  Yup, same entire team but they changed their name to accommodate people who aren't playing this year.  Sounds like Buddy.  Full summaries below along with a look around the league.

Game 1
At Lake Belmont (trademark, the Blogfather) we battled 9 on 9 into well into the night.  Took them relatively lightly, and played to have fun, so of course we're up 5-4 in the 6th.  Nick was nervous, you could see him sweating through his younger sister's shirt.  Timmeh was nervous, you could tell because he was in the field.  Renardo was nervous.  Actually, I have no idea if he was, I've only seen two emotions from that guy: fun loving and mild annoyance at my occasional discriminatory remarks.  I hate leadoff hitters.  Derm was nervous.  We know that cause he was eating a salad.  Ed was nervous, but because he got his urinalysis report back.  But I wasn't nervous.  We put up 5 and 4 runs to put it away and move to 3-0 on the young but Phyllis-long season.  Fun game.  Bad Touchers Adam, Courtney, and new coach Somebody enjoyed the game.

Game 2
What to say about this game.  13-12, your fighting Catahoula Refugees over the Fart Police.  What's really interesting is that we were down 12-5 in the bottom of the 7th.  Yup, you read that right.  And don't mention it to Ray Solid if you see him.  He may rip your face off, La Nice-style.  Typical well-defensed game early being something like 5-4 in the 5th.  Something like that.  We hit into 3 double plays, Rice played superb defense AFTER his 2 errors to start the game.  Then the wheels fell off the bus for Catahoula, couple of runs in the 6th and then 4 or 5 in the 7th powered by our inability to understand that Rice can hit a ball to left field.  Seriously, like a kid who's bad with shapes, solve the fucking puzzle already!!!!  Anywho, our team didn't hit too well for the first 6 innings, but give them credit, they always play good defense against us.  But then in the 7th.  A pitching change to TJ Cousin's Cousin's Cousin's Cousin.  From now on he shall be referred to as TJ Cousin's Cousin's Cousin's Cousin. Not sure on the order, but let's just say everyone hit.  And we still have 2 outs!  We'll use those next time we play.  Tim hit, Cathleen hit, Derm hit a fly ball that could/might/should/maybe/ have been caught/Ed hit/ new girl Jenna hit/ somebody out/   Then all of a sudden, leadoff Renardo is up with 1 out and 1 on, down by 3.  Single.  So now I represent the tying run at the plate.  Everything is ridiculously silent.  And hilarious.  I double off the bag to right field.  One of two ground balls that just got out of reach.  2nd and 3rd, down by 1.  Adam........double.  Runners on 2nd and 3rd 1 out, tie game.  Nick????  single.  Game over.  Scored 8 in the bottom of the 7th.  Crazy ending.  Farts very unhappy.  Yay!


In other news, The Collar got creampied by the Pencil.  0-3 yay!  But then them Cleveland Steamer'd the Franklin so they're 1-3.  They play the Tap Room in a must win next week.  I say must win, because Phyllis will start ripping off penises if they lose another game.

Week 3 Lines

Monday

CCSL Game of the Week!
Fighting Fords at Phyllisless Collar+2 o/u 23
Forfeiteers+14 at Catahoula o/u 25Zoo+8 at Ball Taps o/u 28

Tuesday

Ray Solid and the Farts +6 at Catahoula o/u 26
Fleisher Band Circle at the Pickles+12  o/u 30
Phyllisful Collar at Super Serial Buddies+8 o/u 22

Game 1 and 2 recaps!

Week 1 blog post.  Fail.  Week 2 gambling lines.  Fail. Week 2 blogpost, on time!  Win. I'll take what I can get and a big suck it Derm!
Game 1 win against the Academy of Natural Sciences 22-10.  Oh, wait, that was the Collar?  I recognized the uniforms but I didn't see anybody I remembered from the championship game last year.  Strange.  Also, it was like 22-3 going into the 7th or some shit.  I have a hazy recollection of this game as I again hurt myself in April and had to watch most of the game from the beer cooler.  Which is not a bad place to be.  Let's see, well, the Collar has 14 women now so Phyllis only gets to throw out the ceremonial first pitch.  Christian Steve can't hit the ball in the air.  El Colach can't hit the ball to the outfield.  Robbie seems to be funnier this year for some reason. La Nice chewed off the face of a Puerto Rican boy.  Good times.

The Good
Big first win.  Good offensive showing despite having a big left handed hitting slap hitter.  Narragansett beers are easy to throw.  No rookies in the first game for the first time in Catahoula/Franklin history.  Cathleen was able to play on one knee.  Black Marino shows up early to games now.  There was a Matty sighting!

The Bad
Collar.  Now 0-2 after losing to the Zoo.  I heard some of the players are transferring to the Bad Touch because they have a better outlook this season.

The Ugly
Two straight Aprils with me on the DL.  Next thing you know, I'm going to be playing bingo across from Commissioner Ron....and Ed....and Tina.  She's old too.


Game 2
Beat the Fighting Buddies 10-4.  Yes we only scored 10.  No we don't care.  Defense was good.  Played a bunch of rookies to varying degrees of success.  Took extra bases, which I guess we needed.  Essentially won the game on a weak ground ball hit to Buddy.  I hit that weak ground ball so I guess I'm the hero.  Certainly not the next 4 hitters who hit doubles.  It was all me. Magnitude made Nick make an error.  I threw a guy out at the plate, technically, for the first time in a long time.  Malloy showed up late as usual.   Ed pitched 4 innings of 1 run ball.  Pat pitched 3 innings of 3 run ball.  Crafty veterans.  McCormick got terrified on a throw.  Jackie played despite 3 fractured femurs.  CRoon made her triumphant return to the CCSL.  Timmeh tried to make an error and failed.  Derm told me 11 times he got a new bat.  The Pencil played a scrimmage and didn't come over to say hi.  Our team got Gabored.  Mickey went 3-3 or something, I wasn't paying attention.  Chandra pitched a great game.  Matty made his second straight game.  A personal best!  Dick played angry.  2-0!  Play the Fart next week along with a presumed forfeit.  Yay Sports!

The good
Us, defense, my back.  Adam's sarcasm.  2-0.  Pop pop!  Slender.

The bad
Not much, fun game, everybody got to play.

The ugly
Nick.  Words fail me.  So shut up.

Alright, I promise better, funnier stuff to come.  Like Buddy's face.  And Ford's vagina.