Clap Clap Clap Clap

So, Mickey learned how to putt.  Yes, I had written a diffferent post, but after reading his little love letter, I've altered my plan.  

We are the jilted lover.  You left us, not the other way around.  It was tough at first, but you chose the younger, sexier, beardier version of us.  We asked you back and what did you say?????  You said you'd think about it.

So we moved on, got some self-confidence back. Sure we tried other teams, cut ourselves in the mirror while crying, watched a lot of Meg Ryan movies, ate a lot of chocolate ice cream (Renardo!), drank a lot of gin, and tried to pull ourselves out of the gutter than Tucker lives in.  But it's not the same.  It'll never be the same.  That's what you did to us.  And now, we have to move on, like Tucker to an out of district middle school, there will always be someone who doesn't know what you've done.  Do I regret the last 8 years?  No.  Do I regret how they ended?  I don't know, I've been ginning since 7.  But well played Mickles, good post little redheaded stepblogger. 

On with the fun.

 

Well, kids, it was a tough loss….but we carry on.  Oh, no, wait, it was Buddy.  The same Buddy who “guaranteed” a victory in February.  He will now forever be known as The February Champion^TM.  You can’t win championships in Feb, guys.

So our game was postponed cause of darkness after 6 at 29-14.  A high scoring affair to say the least and certainly entertaining, even for the 2 innings that Pete saw.  I don’t have the book in front of me so the box score will have to wait.  It wasn’t close and it wasn’t pretty.  Lots of errors, miscues, and bombs by the visiting team.  Only 9 Refugees showed up at the start, the other members were cast away from the floating door as we neared the shore.  Many had scurvy, some didn’t have the funds to pay for the travel.  One Refugee was cast overboard to send a message….That Refugee was Chris M cause he’s a douche.   Here's where Mickey would wax poetic about what things meant in the grand scheme of things...but I'm a blog veteran.  70% of people reading this are just skimming till they see their name.  Right Nevins?

Our Team

Derm didn’t have a homerun making it a 2-game HR-less drought.  2^nd longest of his career.  The longest, of course, was as many games as he had played in prior to hitting his first against the Constitution Pickles.  Gonzo got some work in at short and 3^rd and learned the hard way that you have to move towards the ground ball in order to throw someone out.  In his defense, he was throwing to Ed, our new 2-hitter. 

Others

 Let’s discuss the fun we had with our dirty old uncle, the Franklin Institute.  A place I called home for the better part of 8 seasons.  Sad to see it go.  Sadder to see it run into the ground by Mickey’s horrible infrastructure.  But we move on. 

How many former TFI’s started for the Fighting Mickles?  Let’s see, Brett Favre, Mickey, Wiggz (with absolutely no life or personality whatsoever last night. Hmm.), Chandra, Barb (ish), Jason “I can’t beat the shift”, Pickle (no he has his own team), Pat (no he has his own team), Vellia (no he’s in prison for exposing himself to police horse) Buddy (with beard), Deb (Buddy didn’t even play her), Alyssa (sans Ziggy) and Mrs. Candy…..That might be it.  Wish I had the book.  Where was Tucker? Has his wyld ryde finally ended?  How bout that dude Fonio?  Or Jim something?  Anyway, about half the starting Micklin Instituters were rookies.  Advanced scouting kept the team in the game for 3 hitters as Mickles decided to put rookie Maureen into right center to make me fly out to her 4 times.  I tried.  I was unsuccessful.  I’m sorry Maureen. 

In the top of the 1^st, Buddy surprised everyone, except his father who was at Edgely 4 watching a different team, by making a play on a ground ball from Ed.  There was a standing ovation.  He later gave it back when Moira hit a similar groundball and it ate him up like La Nice at a 15 year old Puerto Rican Neck Convention.  The Mickles did spray the ball around a little bit and scored 14 runs on a drunk, injured, heckletastic Refugee team so give them some credit.  Done. 

Now on to other stuff.

I’ve remembered that part of what made my blog suck slightly less than The Blogfathers’s last year was that we had weekly awards.  So let’s bring some of those back.  We’ll start small.

Best play of the night:  Sorry, but it goes to me for throwing the ball at Mickey coaching 3^rd and banking it off the fence to knock over his beer.  Win.

Worst play of the night:  Nick dropping Mickey’s intentional fly ball and allowing the little Irishman to scamper/giggle his way around the bases

Best idea of the night:  Me again, for wasting everyone’s time by bringing the book to shortstop so I could write down how many FC’s Buddy had

Revelation of the night:  Moira explaining to Skinner that we were being so overtly mean to the other team because they kicked us off their team last year.  Skinner giggling.

Slowest driver of the night: Pete

Weekly Paul-not-showing up Award: Paul

Ralph Kiner’s Post game Thoughts

·       Wagner’s a solid 2 hitter when Buddy doesn’t get in his head

·       Jason can be “benson’d” with position shifting

·       Mickles “don’t like to be throwed at”

·       Maureen thinks I’m creepy

·       Maureen’s right

·       Nick got his 30 runs

·       Should have taken the over

·       Barb plays unsportsmanlike especially with broken shortstops trying to score

·       Alyssa is meaner without Ziggy

·       I miss Ziggy

·       Buddy would rather get beat by us than deal with the fact that the Flyers are done

·       Renardo’s black

·       Gonzo likes to go to bars

·       Pete drives like a dead mermaid with Alzheimer’s

·       Kyle doesn’t like to be called a Nazi

·       Mickey should not have stayed

·       Brett Favre doesn’t like to be called Brett Favre.  Based on his attire, he prefers to be called 1920’s Pippi Longstocking (cause they didn’t have color back then)

·       Skinner thinks she joined the weirdest team

·       Skinner’s right (but glad she did cause it means less Gabor texting time)

·       I haven’t mentioned Timmeh yet which means he didn’t do anything to embarrass himself

·       Turd Ferguson

Quotes from the Week

“Buddy you just committed a hate crime!”

When Buddy tried to push the Black Marino off the bag

“I can’t believe I flied out to Pippi Longstocking!”

Moira

“They’re rattling my cage!”

Alyssa

“I’m going to go pee but really I’m going to cry.”

Derm referencing how Nick puts too much pressure on the team

“I forgot my glove.”

Moira

“Moira, can you move a little to the left?”

“Gonzo, move over to your left….no left…..No left!!!!  Oh, I mean right.”

Me, unfortunately

“My boobs are like “POW” today.”

Phyllis

“nailed that girl pitcher with a line drive!  Slam!”

La Nice

“I have a Manayunk league so I can’t play and I suck and nobody likes me and my penis is small and dark and I have a beard that sometimes gets food stuck in it.”

Darkness

“But I don’t wanna make the lineup this week!!!!!!”

Nevins

“I’m still dead.”

Willmarth

“You’re a very lucky woman, Moira.”

Mickey, in no way sarcastically

“The Collar pickled us tonight.”

Pat

“Since when do you take instruction?  Just write funny stuff!”

Yes, Blogfather

“You guys are such asses!  I hate you!  I’ve never playing again!”

Sadderm

“At least I didn’t get quoted.”

Maureen

“Take that, Honkies!”

Barb

“Yeah, I know who Pete is!”

Deb

"Does Dorothy know that you're not under the house?"

Nick to Brett Favre

"Is it in?  I can't feel it."
Tina

"Yo, my n____ haha seriously haha."
Foreigner

“I should be having more fun but none of these girls go to Temple.”

Who do you think?

“I didn’t go to any of these games tonight but you better believe I’m drunk wherever I am.”

Whiskey Frank

“It’s too cloudy and pasty outside so I don’t exist….or can’t be seen by the naked eye.”

Rice

“My dad doesn’t take pictures of me anymore now that we’re 0-3.”

Buddy

“I’m not traveling up to Belmont!”

Paul

“I’m already to play, Tuesday!”

Matty

“I agreed to be a power bottom so I’m gonna miss Monday’s game, Skip.”

Verne

“Do these socks make me look gay?”

“No, everything else does.”

Brett and Jason

"Elmer, do you hate the fact that Mark Ruffalo played you in the movie?"
Me to Taproom Ogre

“The shift is in my head!”

Duh

"Auntie Charlie, Auntie Charlie, it's a twister, it's a twister!"

   

This picture is Nick Tebowing in centerfield.

Week 4 Lines

So you have plenty of time to put your picks in.

Monday                                                     over/under
Constitution Pickles + 11 at Collar               17.5
Refugees at Franklin  +20                               23

Tuesday
Pen'is' Pencils at Zoo  Pick 'em                      18.5
Fart at Bad Touch +17                                    27.5
Ball Tap at Fambees +22                                 30

5/1/12 Box Score

Box Score for 5/1/12

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	Total
Refugees	4	0	3	1	6	2	4	20
Bad Touch	0	1	3	0	0	1	0	5

Game 3: The Touched Badly

That's a bad touch.

Well kids, another CCSL game win and another game kept with the best bookkeeping in the league.  Me.  Yup, scored the pants off this game.  Would have preferred to play but my DL stint doesn’t end till Monday and then we have to send somebody down to AAA-Camden.  It’ll likely be Tim so he can get the constant playing time that he needs for his development as a 35 year old light-hitting DH.

Irregardless, we won the game 20-5 against the Bad Touch on Edgely 8 and as Whiskey Frank would say, "It's like raping a zebra."  It wasn’t close for much of it, as the Bad Touch is still in rebuilding mode after Frank sold off much of the team in 2008 to pay for his messy divorce.  New management Courtney is doing her best with the available funds, trying to develop from within, and not overspending on overhyped win-now free agents like Elmer or Buddy.  As a whole, we played fine defensively and had 25 hits including 3 homeruns.  Our only issue was our roster as we started the game with 9 because I’m a pussy who can’t stand up, Pete’s a pussy who can’t be trusted with his own daughter, and Matt, Paul, Renardo, Bridget, Burke, and Vellia are M.I.A. pussies.  Even more newbies had to be brought in including Not Ford’s fiancee and Phil “Only My Friends Call Me Pigfucker” McPhil.  Hopefully next week, when we spank the ever-loving sweet crap out of the Franklin, we’ll have a strong showing.  And yes, it will take something really bad for me not to play in that game.  Even if I have to go 0-4 with 4 ground balls to Brett Favre followed by limping around the bases after 4 bad throws from said Brett Favre, I’ll do it!   But that’s next week.  This week, everyone who showed up hit well and Gonzo got his first big boy hits of the year!  Derm went homerless for the first time this year and will hence be demoted to 12^th even if we bat 10.  Moira had her first CCSL hit and her first CCSL RBI.  The ball was thrown into the dugout and signed by the team. Skinner mashed her 4^th double of the year, or something, I’m still drunk.  Nick decided he needs to go 4-5 every game because he’s still in the middle of an epic “self-Gabor.”  Ed also paid for his own drinks at Catahoula afterwards.  Which was bizarre.  Fordo showed up to heckle and ask for more time to pay off his gambling debts for this week.  Ray came to the bar afterwards but he’s still a douche.

My lines for the week were pretty good.

All my picks were on the money including a tight Collar/Zoo battle which ended 11-6 with the Collar unable to cover.   Phyllis took her top off and threw it into the stands afterwards as they pulled out the win in dramatic fashion.  La Nice didn’t come to the bar because she likes to go into torpor after she wakes up every 17 years to feed.  Nevins didn’t show up because he was still telling his wife how great his was in his game on Monday.  And I’m pretty sure Blonde Benson is dead.

Ralph Kiner’s Game Notes

·       Derm ends his HR-streak at 2.  Will never start another one.

·       Nick went 4-5 but only because Gabor was watching

·       Fordo went to all 3 Tuesday games yet tells me I don’t have a life

·       Buddy is pissed wherever he is

·       Adam and Courtney are frustrated that they have to lose badly to a bunch of assholes

·       Verne has been fined $10,000 for mopery

·       Rice has moved to his home in Cambodia to be a paddy tended to by a small family infected with cholera

·       Andrea shirked her social chair duties this week

·       Pete legged out a 2-run homerun up by 13 runs

·       Elia couldn’t make the game because she’s a terrible driver….a fact I informed her of in 2005.

·       This is the 3^rd straight CCSL game with Nick getting beat for a homerun

·       Mickey hates life

·       Timmeh has yet to make an error this year!  0 chances

·       I hate my back 

Quotes from the week

“Alice said I’m not supposed to play till she gets here.”

Pete

“Yo, haha, I’m at the Phillies’ game.  Yo.  Ford’s so pissed.  Haha!”

WTFDYT?

“I scored from 2^nd on a groundball.  Suck it Nevins!”

Fordo

“I have the best 3^rd boob since Total Recall!”

Tina

“Cabin in the Woods is the best damn movie I’ve ever seen!”

Me, followed by anyone else who saw it

“Aw, look at the little Kelleporney!”

Nazi Pell, who wasn’t there and doesn’t know what I’m talking about

“I pretended to come watch Skinner but I can’t stop staring at Derm.”

Gabor

“Who’s Gabor?”

Derm

“Gabor’s a Pam doppelganger.”

Pam

“I wish Ron was commissioner again.”

Ed

“So, let me get this straight again.  Ed, the old guy, paid for his drinks with real money that you saw him get from his own wallet?  Get the fuck out!”

“Can somebody help me poo?  I can’t sit down.”

Me…..also a drunk Derm probably would count too

“I’m a douche who can’t show up to games.”

Paul

“I’m not playing on any team with Tim…..or Moira.”

Matty

“Ice, rest, masturbate.”

Tina

“Pittsburgh Benson.  Brilliant!”

“Call me Hurricane Frank!”

Strawberry Daiquiri Frank at Catahoula

“What happened?  I blacked out!”

Darkness

“Did anyone catch the Big Bang Theory last night?”

Gabor, followed by crickets

“Losing to you is WAY more fun than losing to the Tap Room.”

Pickle

“I fucking hate my fiancee.”

Moira

"I'm a 23 year old rookie who's scared of Robbie."

Fineman

Week 3 Lines

Monday
Fambees +7 at Pencils     over/under 21
Ball Tap at C Pickles +17   over/under 23

Tuesday
Zoo +6 at Collar   over/under  26
Refugees at Bad Touch +8   over/under 18
Franklin +15 at Ricefarts   over/under  28

Too late for the Monday games, but for Tuesday I'm taking
Zoo with the points and the under
Refugees to cover with the over
Franklin with the points and the under

If you'd like to gamble with fake money, or real money, send in your picks.  Each pick is 5 Lira. for a possible 50 lira each week.

Spotlight on the CCSL revisited Vol. 2

La Nice

Nickname:  The Praying Mantis
Age: Go fuck yourself
Weight: Go fuck yourself
Herpes?: Go fuck yourself
Best friend: The Electric Pinecone
Vampire Neck-biting Rank:  57, between Lestat and Count Chocula
Favorite food:  adolescents....and sushi
True or False, neck bones break easily?  True
Reason #1 Jeremy has his head:  Boring to gnaw when the subject is asleep
Nevins hotness factor:  Would have nailed 13 years ago
Claim to fame:  Has seen the most vaginas of anyone in the CCSL
True or False, she thinks Buddy is made of Nerf?  False
Number of times she has "hooked a brotha up"?  2
Seymour:Audrey II ::Spence: La Nice
What really happened to Jake:  loose stool somewhere on Dairy 4
Who wagged their butts first, Roxy or La Nice?
True or False, got really excited last year when we started referring to "Pickles"?  True
Number of times she and Phyllis have consummated their arrangement:  130
Number of times Ford has watched: 23
Number of times Ford has participated: 0, bum ticker
Favorite movie: Revenge of the Chewed up Frat Boys IV: Trouble in Delta Pi
Best Friday Night Meal:  Wine for 3
Kyle play suggestion:  Whitesnake "Here i go Again Video" set in WWII Poland
Favorite Subject in School:  Crusty Vaginas
Ford?  yes
Which Phyllis boob has the most personality?  The up one
Touching it now?  Absotively
CCSL Hotness factor:  11
Number of dates before Pickle would "make a move":  134
Number of dates before Buddy would "make a move":  hehe, Buddy
Does my fiancee know she's slept over?  yes
How did she know?  hard to explain the corpse-pile, said Ray and I had "drinks"
Benson or Elmer?  Hard to know, not enough Pims Cups in the state
Finish the sentence.  Jeremy's penis curves to the ___________________.
Answer:  Narcolepsy
Favorite CCSL player:  Not Donny, he sucks.  Um, Tina, I guess.  Oh, wait, is she dead?  That might be insensitive
Do you like Katy Perry?  Is that the outfielder from the Fleisher that dates Johanna?
Would you sleep with Ford?  Go Fuck Yourself!

Week 2 Box Score

Box Score for 4/24/12

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	Total
Fart Museum	4	1	0	5	5	1	0	16
Refugees	5	4	0	3	3	3	-	18

	AB	R	H	RBI	Avg
Matty	4	3	3	1	.750
Paul	3	1	1	2	.333
Nick	3	2	3	5	.857
Pete	4	2	2	0	.500
Black Marino	4	3	3	0	.500
Charlie	4	2	4	5	1.000
Ed	4	2	3	2	.571
Skinner Meg (5th)	3 1	0 0	2 0	1 0	.667 .000
Derm	4	2	3	2	.571
Bridget	3	0	0	0	.000
Gene	3	1	1	0	.333

2B: Matt (3), Skinner (2), Nick (2), Charlie (1); 3B: Matt (1), Paul (1); HR: Nick,2 (3), Derm (2), Charlie (1)

SF: Nick (1), Paul (1)