That's a bad touch.
Well
kids, another CCSL game win and another game kept with the best bookkeeping in
the league. Me. Yup, scored the pants off this game. Would have preferred to play but my DL stint
doesn’t end till Monday and then we have to send somebody down to AAA-Camden. It’ll likely be Tim so he can get the
constant playing time that he needs for his development as a 35 year old light-hitting DH.
Irregardless,
we won the game 20-5 against the Bad Touch on Edgely 8 and as Whiskey Frank would say, "It's like raping a zebra." It wasn’t close for much of it, as the Bad
Touch is still in rebuilding mode after Frank sold off much of the team in 2008
to pay for his messy divorce. New
management Courtney is doing her best with the available funds, trying to
develop from within, and not overspending on overhyped win-now free agents like
Elmer or Buddy. As a whole, we played
fine defensively and had 25 hits including 3 homeruns. Our only issue was our roster as we started
the game with 9 because I’m a pussy who can’t stand up, Pete’s a pussy who
can’t be trusted with his own daughter, and Matt, Paul, Renardo, Bridget,
Burke, and Vellia are M.I.A. pussies.
Even more newbies had to be brought in including Not Ford’s fiancee and
Phil “Only My Friends Call Me Pigfucker” McPhil. Hopefully next week, when we spank the
ever-loving sweet crap out of the Franklin, we’ll have a strong showing. And yes, it will take something really bad
for me not to play in that game. Even if
I have to go 0-4 with 4 ground balls to Brett Favre followed by limping around
the bases after 4 bad throws from said Brett Favre, I’ll do it! But that’s next week. This week, everyone who showed up hit well
and Gonzo got his first big boy hits of the year! Derm went homerless for the first time this
year and will hence be demoted to 12th even if we bat 10. Moira had her first CCSL hit and her first
CCSL RBI. The ball was thrown into the
dugout and signed by the team. Skinner mashed her 4th double of the
year, or something, I’m still drunk.
Nick decided he needs to go 4-5 every game because he’s still in the
middle of an epic “self-Gabor.” Ed also
paid for his own drinks at Catahoula afterwards. Which was bizarre. Fordo showed up to heckle and ask for more
time to pay off his gambling debts for this week. Ray came to the bar afterwards but he’s still
a douche.
My
lines for the week were pretty good.
All
my picks were on the money including a tight Collar/Zoo battle which ended 11-6
with the Collar unable to cover.
Phyllis took her top off and threw it into the stands afterwards as they
pulled out the win in dramatic fashion.
La Nice didn’t come to the bar because she likes to go into torpor after
she wakes up every 17 years to feed.
Nevins didn’t show up because he was still telling his wife how great
his was in his game on Monday. And I’m
pretty sure Blonde Benson is dead.
Ralph
Kiner’s Game Notes
·
Derm ends his HR-streak at 2.
Will never start another one.
·
Nick went 4-5 but only because Gabor was watching
·
Fordo went to all 3 Tuesday games yet tells me I don’t have a life
·
Buddy is pissed wherever he is
·
Adam and Courtney are frustrated that they have to lose badly to a bunch
of assholes
·
Verne has been fined $10,000 for mopery
·
Rice has moved to his home in Cambodia to be a paddy tended to by a
small family infected with cholera
·
Andrea shirked her social chair duties this week
·
Pete legged out a 2-run homerun up by 13 runs
·
Elia couldn’t make the game because she’s a terrible driver….a fact I
informed her of in 2005.
·
This is the 3rd straight CCSL game with Nick getting beat for
a homerun
·
Mickey hates life
·
Timmeh has yet to make an error this year! 0 chances
·
I hate my back
Quotes
from the week
“Alice said
I’m not supposed to play till she gets here.”
Pete
“Yo, haha,
I’m at the Phillies’ game. Yo. Ford’s so pissed. Haha!”
WTFDYT?
“I scored
from 2nd on a groundball.
Suck it Nevins!”
Fordo
“I have the
best 3rd boob since Total Recall!”
Tina
“Cabin in
the Woods is the best damn movie I’ve ever seen!”
Me, followed
by anyone else who saw it
“Aw, look at
the little Kelleporney!”
Nazi Pell,
who wasn’t there and doesn’t know what I’m talking about
“I pretended
to come watch Skinner but I can’t stop staring at Derm.”
Gabor
“Who’s
Gabor?”
Derm
“Gabor’s a
Pam doppelganger.”
Pam
“I wish Ron
was commissioner again.”
Ed
“So, let me
get this straight again. Ed, the old
guy, paid for his drinks with real money that you saw him get from his own
wallet? Get the fuck out!”
“Can
somebody help me poo? I can’t sit down.”
Me…..also a
drunk Derm probably would count too
“I’m a
douche who can’t show up to games.”
Paul
“I’m not
playing on any team with Tim…..or Moira.”
Matty
“Ice, rest,
masturbate.”
Tina
“Pittsburgh
Benson. Brilliant!”
“Call me
Hurricane Frank!”
Strawberry
Daiquiri Frank at Catahoula
“What
happened? I blacked out!”
Darkness
“Did anyone
catch the Big Bang Theory last night?”
Gabor,
followed by crickets
“Losing to
you is WAY more fun than losing to the Tap Room.”
Pickle
“I fucking
hate my fiancee.”
Moira
"I'm a 23 year old rookie who's scared of Robbie."
Fineman
