Playoff Preview Penis

The extra penis is for alliteration....and it will make Phyllis "pee her pants."  These pants will then be on sale through the CCSL league office for $18.99.

Well my blogfather told me that my blog sucked, which we all knew, then he made me cut a blogswitch and took me behind the blogbarn to be blogflogged till my buttcheeks were blog red.  Blog.  So instead of masturbating, playing some playstation, and going to bed in a different room than my wife, I'm up writing this crap. Also, I just saw Batman.....and loved it!  More on that in a minute.  Anyway, next week (i.e. tomorrow) is the start of the playoffs and will feature the league's first expanded playoff systems, dubbed the Oberlins. before the normal format can begin.

Here's a look ahead with predictions.

Game 1.  Zoo versus the Fart Machine

Wow, first of all, I'm obviously biased in this game but don't really know which way.  I have several good friends on the Fart Machine and I know Rice so I don't know if I'm rooting for them to win or lose.  Oh, wait, yeah, it has to be lose.  I was asked earlier what would happen if the Fighting Oberlins won.  Here are the two scenarios.

Scenario 1.  Zoo blows out the Fart.  Zoo is away so the Fart Museum hits last.  On the last out, made by Ray of course, a pop up lands in Oberlin's glove in shallow left.  Ray takes the bat and immediately decapitates the Zoo 1st baseman.  Whiskey Frank is coaching first and is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head.  Whilst trying to give Frank a single wall enema, Rice and the Darkness pull Ray off the unconscious Frank.  This is the key point because while touching Ray, the Darkness gets infused with a true taste of what's it's like to be pissed off and turns into the Super Darkness.  He grows 10 feet in size, gets bright red eyes, breathes fire, yet still can't pay for shots at the bar.    He goes off and destory much of downtown Camden and gets a reality sitcom show on Fox.  It gets mild reviews.  Ray gets therapy, Rice goes to bed early, and Oberlin drives to Nick's house to break his legs.

Scenario 2.  Zoo wins in a close game.  Plays much like Scenario 1, except with minor changes.  First, the last hitter in the 7th in this scenario is Kyle because, well, it OBVIOUSLY has to be Kyle.  Kyle ground to the pitcher to end the game.  Upon the out, several things happen:  Kyle begins arguing with everyone else about he actually didn't end the game, that his was a base hit, that you don't know how to play the game and that it was Ray's fault he was not batting in his more natural spot in the order which is some other spot.  Rice immediately dies on the spot due to alcohol underpoisoning, Frank pull out a make shift spear and "Cage in 300's" Oberlin.  The rest of it is the obvious Ray bloodbath much like scenario 1.

But seriously, I would love a Zoo victory, but they have little chance in this.  I don't think it's a blowout, unless Bearded Jeans Guy gets a shave and some Dockers, but the Fart wins and plays us Tuesday.  I pick this game Fart by 7.  15-8


Game 2.  Blogfathers at Collar.

What a difference a week makes.  I made the Collar my pick'em winner against the Pencils last week and they responded by trouncing the Ford by 20 runs.  Silly.  Now I don't know what to think.  Actually, I do.  Collar wins this game.  I'm sorry, Ford, I'm rooting for you guys in your first playoff game in 5 years (better than the Zoo!  First playoff game since I've been alive).  A lot of friends in this game and I generally root for both teams.  I'd like the Pencil to win but I don't really think they can beat the Ball Taps.  I think the Collar can but it doesn't really matter much.

What will happen in this game?  Apparently, Marcus quit.  Sad.  Pencil needs huge contributions by their studs in this.  How can they win?  The Collar have better overall hitters and better defense, in my opinion.  They do not have much in the way of power, however.  Here the Pencil has more.  Abt is the only true power hitter on the Collar while Pencil boasts Nevins, Lynch (2009 version only), 60% of Donlen, 4% Russ, and Miller when fair.  These 5 players will have to score 10 runs so they can win 13-9.  That's just how it is.  Also, the Blogfather needs to play the ENTIRE game even though he'll be sandier than Nick's vagina on vacation in the Sahara.  Sadly, I don't see a Pencil win.  I see a sound Collar win by 10.  18-8.

Game 3.  Which Batman movie was the best?

Tonight's Batman movie was awesome.  But it was not the best.  My wife and I disagreed which of course means that I'm right.  I rank them 2-1-3.  She ranks them 1-3-2 or something, I wasn't listening, I thought she was talking about shoes. Apparently, people did not like the 2nd movie as much which is silly because Heath Ledger should have won the Oscar for it.  Hands down.  It was fantastic.  The first movie was great because it was such a welcome departure from the shitty Total Recall-y world where Seal sings every song and superheroes always wear Sigfriend and Roy ostentatious colors.  Single handedly killed Chris O'Donnell's career.  No wait, Circle of Friends and his acting in general did that.  Bane in the 3rd movie was so much better than expected.  Though it was wildly inaccurate I didn't even care.  And I had to remind myself at the end that I just watched an Anne Hathaway movie.  That's how not terrible she was.  I'd say she was good, but, well, she wasn't.  but she wasn't terrible and deserves the Keanu Reeves acting award...given posthumously. So yeah, 2-1-3 and all were great....just like the Starship Troopers trilogies.

Best Batman villains
Joker
Scarecrow
Bane
300 other ones
Riddler
Poison Ivy
Phyllis
Jared from Subway