Darklight on the CCSL Vol 1.

Name:  The Darkness
Occupation:  Bulb Crusher
Wormhole Possibility Meter:  3, Colonic
Number of knees:  1
Least Favorite CCSL team:  Fart Museum
Reason he still has his neck:  hard to gnaw through dark matter
Average bed time:  7:43 EDT
Darkness Witching hour:  7:44 EDT
Herpes:  No sore shall stain thy name!
Way to kill him:  reading lights
Number of CCSL attributable 1st base coaching fights:  75
Dog's name:  Bernie
Original name:  Cerberus, the fire dog of Alpo Gas
Favorite CCSL player:  La Nice, ever since she laid eggs in his esophagus
Claim to fame:  watched all of the series Glee
Secret:  Was asleep for 96% of Glee
Favorite Movie: Sleepwalkers, you can be asleep AND devour people's souls?
If he was a sandwich he would be:  Liverwurst on Rye.....with a splash of pesticide
Multiple choice:   Darkness works on a roof because he
a. needs the money
b. likes to be closer to Zeus
c. has a ladder obsession
d. all of the above
e. its the safest place from Kyle

Goal in life:  To be a pube nurse
Favorite shampoo:  No more brightness Pert
Least Favorite movie:  Dark Crystal, how the fuck does that Mickey-raping Gelfling survive the movie?
Swallows?:  Worlds, suns, moons, heavy doses of man sluice
Best sexual move:  Tie, not getting eating and the 10 o'clock vagina face plant
SAT Maureen Creepiness factor:  6, somewhere between tight shirts Nick and oh my god, what is it eating Elmer
Movie Cameo:  Seen floating in the pool during Caddyshack
Previous comment poop joke hilarity factor:  2, poor
True or False:  is on the Willmarth weight loss plan?
Number of siblings that are redheaded?: 1
Is this the reason we're friends:  duh
True or false:  Nick and the Darkness have done the the upside down dog in the bathtub
Best Quote:  I am the Darkness and ye all shall knell before me.....also, Buddy eats his own farts
Biggest danger to society:  constant episodes of the "green apple splatters"
Reason in the CCSL:  Complicated, something about a faucet
Yellow fever vaccination update:  pending
Hangeron status?"  3 Rices
Reason for not playing professional ball:  tested positive for anal Ron repellent ($34, from the CCSL store)
Seen Phyllis naked?:  No, everyone looks the same in the dark...when you're asleep....and you have Nick's thumb up your anus
Favorite cheese:  dick
Who wins in a Thunderdome, Rice, Darkness, Kyle, and Ray:   Darkness, he falls asleep before the gunstart, Rice gets pulled over for swinging an axe while intoxicated, Kyle impales himself on a spike because he wants to teach it musicals, and Ray flies out softly to left then punches himself to death in the face.....also Steve Bushemi shot him from the balcony
Last book read:  Papa Johns delivery menu
Reason his video game controllers were sticky and never worked:  Chun Li
Best swingset move:  The Underdarkness
Best caption for the picture:  Semen Secret Service