Week 3 Lines

Monday
Fambees +7 at Pencils     over/under 21
Ball Tap at C Pickles +17   over/under 23

Tuesday
Zoo +6 at Collar   over/under  26
Refugees at Bad Touch +8   over/under 18
Franklin +15 at Ricefarts   over/under  28

Too late for the Monday games, but for Tuesday I'm taking
Zoo with the points and the under
Refugees to cover with the over
Franklin with the points and the under

If you'd like to gamble with fake money, or real money, send in your picks.  Each pick is 5 Lira. for a possible 50 lira each week.

Spotlight on the CCSL revisited Vol. 2

La Nice

Nickname:  The Praying Mantis
Age: Go fuck yourself
Weight: Go fuck yourself
Herpes?: Go fuck yourself
Best friend: The Electric Pinecone
Vampire Neck-biting Rank:  57, between Lestat and Count Chocula
Favorite food:  adolescents....and sushi
True or False, neck bones break easily?  True
Reason #1 Jeremy has his head:  Boring to gnaw when the subject is asleep
Nevins hotness factor:  Would have nailed 13 years ago
Claim to fame:  Has seen the most vaginas of anyone in the CCSL
True or False, she thinks Buddy is made of Nerf?  False
Number of times she has "hooked a brotha up"?  2
Seymour:Audrey II ::Spence: La Nice
What really happened to Jake:  loose stool somewhere on Dairy 4
Who wagged their butts first, Roxy or La Nice?
True or False, got really excited last year when we started referring to "Pickles"?  True
Number of times she and Phyllis have consummated their arrangement:  130
Number of times Ford has watched: 23
Number of times Ford has participated: 0, bum ticker
Favorite movie: Revenge of the Chewed up Frat Boys IV: Trouble in Delta Pi
Best Friday Night Meal:  Wine for 3
Kyle play suggestion:  Whitesnake "Here i go Again Video" set in WWII Poland
Favorite Subject in School:  Crusty Vaginas
Ford?  yes
Which Phyllis boob has the most personality?  The up one
Touching it now?  Absotively
CCSL Hotness factor:  11
Number of dates before Pickle would "make a move":  134
Number of dates before Buddy would "make a move":  hehe, Buddy
Does my fiancee know she's slept over?  yes
How did she know?  hard to explain the corpse-pile, said Ray and I had "drinks"
Benson or Elmer?  Hard to know, not enough Pims Cups in the state
Finish the sentence.  Jeremy's penis curves to the ___________________.
Answer:  Narcolepsy
Favorite CCSL player:  Not Donny, he sucks.  Um, Tina, I guess.  Oh, wait, is she dead?  That might be insensitive
Do you like Katy Perry?  Is that the outfielder from the Fleisher that dates Johanna?
Would you sleep with Ford?  Go Fuck Yourself!

Week 2 Box Score

Box Score for 4/24/12

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	Total
Fart Museum	4	1	0	5	5	1	0	16
Refugees	5	4	0	3	3	3	-	18

	AB	R	H	RBI	Avg
Matty	4	3	3	1	.750
Paul	3	1	1	2	.333
Nick	3	2	3	5	.857
Pete	4	2	2	0	.500
Black Marino	4	3	3	0	.500
Charlie	4	2	4	5	1.000
Ed	4	2	3	2	.571
Skinner Meg (5th)	3 1	0 0	2 0	1 0	.667 .000
Derm	4	2	3	2	.571
Bridget	3	0	0	0	.000
Gene	3	1	1	0	.333

2B: Matt (3), Skinner (2), Nick (2), Charlie (1); 3B: Matt (1), Paul (1); HR: Nick,2 (3), Derm (2), Charlie (1)

SF: Nick (1), Paul (1)

Week 2: The Passed-gas Museum

Well, kids, I’m writing this while on valium.  And no, I am not kidding.  Valium.  The same stuff that prince in Spaceballs was taking before not porking Daphne Zuniga.  Sad.  Just put her on a platter for Bill Pullman and helped him become president one day.  I hate Bill Pullman.  Always wish he was Bill Paxton.  And seriously, where the hell is Dick Van Patton these days?

Moving on, last night was a huge win for the Refugees early in the season without one of the most dynamic, well-spoken, ruggedly good-looking players in the CCSL.  You all know who I’m talking about.  Gonzo.  He was missed.   Regardless, or irregardless if Nick is speaking, the Refugees pulled out a squeaker at home against the rival Fart Museum, 18-16.  The official score says something like 15-13 but our book says 18-16 and I don’t really care one way or the other since it in no way matters this year.  The box score will be posted, but it was a strange game to watch and limp around at.  The Fart Museum bats came alive in the first with the help of a few infield miscues to score 4 runs.  Should have been more but they let DK Mode Kyle and Whiskey Frank hit.   

The Refugees rallied back in the bottom of the 1^st scoring 2. Then, with  no men on with 2 outs when the Fart Museum outfield showed its muster allowing a misplayed 2-run HR by newbie Charlie and another run on a mammoth double by newbie Skinner.  Six more Refugees came to plate after they had 2 outs and no one on.  That’s how you lose games kids.  The second inning saw 1 run out of the Rice Farts while the Refugees tacked on another 4 to make it 9-5.  These runs came on the back of Nick hitting a ball just as hard as he would a fat chick on Temple campus in the middle of a pie-eating contest.  Black Marino also did something in the inning but people didn’t notice because they thought it was Tim being insensitive. 

 Neither team scored in the 3^rd inning although Strawberry-Schwepps-Old-Granddad-Frank had his only hit of the game.  The RicecakeFarts rallied back to take the lead at 10-9, but a quick 3 runs put it at 12-10.  5 runs by the Fart Museum put them ahead, but the Refugees surged to tie the game after 5 full innings at 15-15.  Tense.  Two at bats to go.  Fart puts up 1 run out of their 6-7-8 hitters, while Refugees throw up a 3 spot from 5-6-7 on the strength of a couple of hits and then a bomb by the Drunken Hand Grenade, Derm.  Second HR in 2 games.   Silly.  If I didn’t have the book in front of me then I’d certainly blame the valium.  And Derm is hitting over his weight for the first time since he was an 8-pound sperm that could only swim down.  And yes, I can make fat jokes cause I had a salad today….though it was covered in steak gravy.  No runs for the Fart in the 7^th ended by a Red-Whiskey fly out to end the game.  Back and forth game, hope the erratic writing demonstrated how tense and silly this game was to coach 3rd base from.  I feel like Ford after he lets 97 year olds and Brennan play instead of him. Yay sports.

Ralph Kiner End of Game notes.

·       W-t-F totally botched a play at 2^nd base by not paying attention quoting “tie goes to the runner.”

·       Newbie Charlie was 4-4 with a HR and 4 RBIs and would be player of the week if I knew his name, some of his fears, and had a picture.

·       Flynn is still a douche

·       Phyllis showed up, not to watch, but to bring Frank his Schwepps.  What a good ex-social chair

·       New Social Chair Andrea brought a 30 pack of PBR clearly thinking she was going to a Franklin game…or as it’s known this year, the “Recess Pick-up Game”

·       Ray threw his glove at the fence.

·       Khaleef walked around the infield with, I don’t know, Mos Def playing in his ears saying something about Crunking the Honk.  Urban dictionary did not help.

·       Black Marino dropped a ball in right field and received no criticism.  It’s reverse racism I tell you!  If that’s a White Marino then the “Man” would be all over him.

·       Derm had hits.  Yes.  Everyone set their watches.

·       I didn’t play.  I have now watched more innings in this league than played and have fewer RBIs than Pickle.  Time to hang ‘em up.

·       La Nice did something…I wasn’t there but I did find a headless corpse of a 13-year old Mexican child covered in Vagisil.

·       Paul showed.  And it was cold so he compromised and wore one sleeve.  He also compromised by making one play at shortstop.  He had 47 chances.

Not just for the Tap Room anymore

·       Newbie Charlie decided to throw the ball as hard as he could to Derm.  Never ends well, it’s like sex with a cactus.

·       Newbie Bridget caught admirably telling Ed to go fornicate himself with an iron stick for trying to cover home over her.

·       Pete is still owed money for Nick’s 2 shirts.

·       Fordo Baggins showed up late after faking a heart attack at Dairy 4 so Phyllis would give him the Heimlich Bendover

·       Meg showed up and made a nice catch on a popup.  We were all glad it didn’t go to Paul who is now CMarino’s doppelganger

And on to the quotes!

“Your blog's been pretty pussy lately.”

Kyle

“I can’t believe it!  During my backswing somebody yells, “C’mon Matt Kemp!”  I have no idea who the fuck that is!”

Khaleef, I pissed myself laughing

“That fucker came out of nowhere!”

Rice

“Where’s my money, Nick?”

Pete

"Did we win?  I missed a couple of innings."

The Darkness

“Way to have your head in the game, Nick!”

Fordo

“Hi, Ben, my name’s Pam. Why do they call you the Camel?”

“Jesus Christ!  I thought that was the dead bat!”

Frank after flying out to end the game

“Hello, boobs!”

Phyllis later in the shower (You’re welcome, Nevins)

“I’d like to be in the top 5 hitters in the lineup now.”
“Well, people in hell want icewater.”

Derm and Skip

“I don’t want to tell you the plot of ‘Cabin in the Woods’ but I’m a douche for not waiting to go with you.”

Pete

“I’m Bridget.  I don’t know where this field is.”

“I’m Charlie.  I’m 4-4 and throw the ball as hard as I can.”

“I’m Ryan, I’m doing all these voices in a high pitch voice in my head as I write this.”

“Pam again, seriously, why do they call you the Camel.”

"Zzzzzzzzzzz."

Darkness, inning 2

“Fucking Kyle.”

Ray

Week 2 Vegas Lines

So I was 1-4 on my lines last week.  I'll do better this time.

Monday's games

Franklin +3 at Fleisher
C Pickles +9 at Pen'is'Pencils

Tuesdays games

Bad Touch +6 at Zoo
Fart Museum +2 at Refugees
Collar +5 at Ball Tap Room

Apparently, every home team is favored.

Spolight on the CCSL Revisited Vol 1.

Kyle "Motherfucking" Jacobs
Age: 30-nothing
Weight:  tall
CCSL years played:  Since he told off that fat girl
Fights with Ray:   1, over whether or not Phyllis likes to "roll"
Musicals:   47
Musicals that didn't suck hind tit:  0
Favorite Goldeneye secret:  DK Mode
Number of people who liked Kyle's Koaching Korner: 1
Number of times KKK was flagged for terrorism:  14
Number of lesbians Kyle has "turned"  : 4
Number of runaways Kyle told were vampires:  32
Number of books written about these events: 6
Number of these books read in this country: 0
True or False? Ray said that Kyle should have been burned on a flaming boat by his Scandinavian people years ago.:    False
True or False? Ray said, "The last thing you see before you die is Kyle Jacobs calling you a fat 'ho." :  True
Relationship to George:  Arrested him for being Guatemalan.
Relationship with Phyllis:  Pending
Number of times he's talked to Buddy: once, to ask directions to the nearest "free clinic"
Herpes?:  Nope, that's for pussies
Favorite song quote:  "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, go fuck yourself.."
Number of Hippos milked: 21
If Kyle was a Nazi he would be:  Goebbels
Favorite movie:  Good Burger
Favorite CCSL player:  Fotoshop Frank
Best TV show ever:  Reruns of 'Cops' including people he knew from high school
True or False: Kyle went to high school?  True....but just to murder people
Career homeruns: 1, calling Nick an "Asscracker:
NotRiceFactor: 34, definitely not Rice...evidence, can drive

Box Score 4/17/12

This is kind of annoying and I'm not a big fan of reminding people what they're hitting in a beer softball league that includes people like Donlen, but we'll try it.  And congrats to Gonzo for being the only Refugee to not have a hit.  Sorry buddy.

Box Score for 4/17/12

	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	Total
C Pickles	0	0	0	0	1	0	1	2
Refugees	2	0	0	0	4	8	-	14

	AB	R	H	RBI	Avg
Matty	4	3	3	2	.750
Adam	4	2	3	4	.750
Mgmt	4	1	3	0	.750
Nick	4	1	3	4	.750
Black Marino	4	0	1	0	.250
Club Ed	3	0	1	0	.333
Derm	3	1	1	1	.333
Burke	3	2	3	0	1.000
Skinner	3	1	2	0	.667
Danielle	3	2	2	2	.667
White Marino	3	1	1	1	.333
Gonzo	3	0	0	0	.000

2B: Matt, 2 (1,2), Tim (1), Skinner (1), Nick (1); 3B: Matt (1); HR: Nick (1), Derm (1), Adam (1)

Game 1 Recap

Well, it wasn't pretty, but in the end, the Refugees prevailed over the Constitution Pickles 14-2 and for gambling fans everywhere, The Pickles beat the spread on a 7th inning single by Nick's new nemesis that he won't play again this year.   Thanks schedule.  The game was up and down, played a nearly flawless defensive game, but hitting was a little different.  Give the C Pickles credit, they made plays at 3rd and right center to limit the damage in the innings.  Lack of aggressiveness on bases also hurt us a little and we were 2-1 going into the 5th.  After that, we settled down and scored 4 in the 5th and 8 in the 6th to put it away.  The C Pickles never really had anything going offensively and had only 1 runner in scoring position the whole game, and that was the spread-beater in the 7th.

Alright, how are we going to do the new blog this year?  No fucking idea.  Used them all up for the blog last year.  I'm sure we'll pick up things as we go.
I lasted 1 inning at short and 1 inning on the mound before blowing out several vertebrae.  However, I had 3 "spineless" hits after my first "spineful" flyout to finish the day.  Nick had a bomb.  Adam and Matty were on base a fair amount.  Derm had a wind-assisted bomb.  And the two new girls, Danielle and Skinner, played exceptionally well for their first time playing softball while drinking pounders.  Newcomer Burke also had questions about the league wondering why there were only "2 chicks" and if any of the chicks in this league liked 40 year old lawyers who like to swing.  Good luck Refugee Ford.

So it's 1-0 in the books with Farties up next Tuesday at Dairy or some plowed-under field.  Around the league, there were blowouts galore.  Franklin is trailing the Bad Touch after 6, 17-8, and Buddy is super sandy.  I wiffed on that line.  Alvin & The Tap Room blew out the Pen'is'Pencils 27-8, wrong again.  Collar mugged the Fleisher I'm told, and rounding out the ineptitude, The Fart Museum beat up on the Zoo with some score that nobody cares about because they're the Fart Museum. 

Update on the picture from 2 previous posts:  it is Nick.  He admitted out loud with witnesses.  Yay modeling pics!

Quotes from the league and preseason;

"She needs to smash!"
"Poop or get stuffed?"

"I suggest you open your little calendar and pencil in some serious bedroom carnage."

"I wasn't the last one the leave the collar!  Yay!"
Phyllis' parole officer

"Oh Pickle."
"What do you mean?  Oh, right."

"Yo, let's get some rum!"
Ha-hamyman

"I'll trade you Derm, Vellia and Tim has to do your stats for 6 games.....I'm serious"

"I'd like to go home, can someone breathe into my car?"
Rice

"Gabor just self-Nicked herself"
Me

"Dick Clark just died."
"That's so 1987."

"He's a socially oblivious bull in a china shop."

"I think Bensinammon Toast Crunch is the best."

"Lynch is the new Chuggz!"
Darkness

"I hope you didn't invite Ben Gabored to this shit."

"You made the poos!"
Wife to me

"I can't believe I went to a preseason practice."
Dr. Verne

"Did we bring the box of extra spines?"
me

"I would have made that trade, Mickey!"
Buddy

"That guy is so my nemesis."
Nick

"I still hate Tim."
Matty,
Also, me, Nick, Derm, Tim's Mom, Hitler, and Tina

"Welcome to the team Burke.  Now run a lap with this egg between your butcheeks."
Renardo