Week 8 Lines

Monday                                                                                             Over/Under

1. FAMtastic Fourteen + 7 at the Angry Rays                                             23

2. Zoo at the Pickles +4                                                                              26

3. Pencils +6  at the Collar                                                                          31

Tuesday

(Hoagiefest Game of the Week!)

4. Collar +3 at the Refugees                                                                       27

5. Angry Rays+10  at the Ball Tap                                                              35

6. Winless Institute+16  at Pencils                                                              40

Memorial Nick’s Trojan Condoms Picks

1. Art to cover wiith the over

2. Zoo to cover with the over

3. Pencil with the points and the under

4. Collar with the points and the under

5. Tap to cover with the under

6. Pencil to cover with the over

 

Ball Recaproom

So we lost our first game of the year to our hate rivals, Supernintendo Al and the Ball Tap Room. 10-7. Weak.  Supernintendo Al wasn’t even there but he’s worth -5 runs so maybe that was by design.  I’d like to start off by saying that I initially thought the game was not an Official League Sanctioned Game since no one hit a ball over Nick’s head but then I realized that it was official because Pam egregiously blew a call at first base.  Happens every game, yet still surprised.  Funny.  Call didn’t affect the game in any way, I’m just surprised that I’m surprised.

And on to the game.  Refugees had nearly our entire team while the Ball Taps were missing Supernintendo Al, Massive Head Wound Aaron, and that thing that busts into Balin’s Tomb in the Mines of Moria and stabs Frodo with an orc spear.  We assume Cave Troll Benson couldn’t make the game cause Legolas shot him in the throat but it hasn’t been confirmed.  He may have just had 24 hour syphilis.  We gave up 6 runs in the top of the first which pretty much decided the game.  And tip your hate to them, they earned them.  6 runs, they batted around and had like 9 hits, not errors, hits.  Unfortunately.  But the Refugees rallied back in the bottom of the first by getting 1 hit and no runs.  That’s a momentum swing!  After that, though, things got interesting.  The Ball Taps only scored a scattered 4 more runs while the Refugees kept coming back and clinging to life.  Certainly not due to the first four hitters who accounted for like 3 of our 7 runs and less than half of our RBIs, but rather by the bottom of the order who accounted for the majority.  This was due in part to bombs hit by Skinner and Tap Room Casey which scored 3 runs.  Take away those two doubles and we only score 4 runs.  Which is just plain stupid.  Defense played very well overall by only allowing them to score 10.  But, in this league, you score 7, you lose 99.5% of the time.

It was a strange game, overall, and may be reflective of the direction the league is going.  Here are arguably the two best teams in the CCSL challenging each other for potential homefield in the championship and yet it didn’t seem to have that much competitiveness to it.  Seemed like teams played hard, wanted to win, but didn’t have any of the chippiness that usually accompanies these games.  Just my take.  There was shit talking, don’t kid yourself, but it was more playful than anything else, My narrative doesn’t do it justice, and I don’t wax poetic about books you haven’t read like Whiskey Frank.  I will say this.  We have to play better to beat that team.  And our problem this time was our top 4-6 hitters.  Gotta score more runs than that.  They had absolutely zero difficult plays.  Can’t let that happen, have to press a defense like that.  They let us hang around in the game by doing exactly that themselves after the 1^st inning.  They gave us a chance to win that game.  We just didn’t take it.  And yeah, I’ll admit, I hate losing to Benson.  Who does?

Ralph Kiner Game Notes

·       Nick and I had a combined 1 run, 2 RBI, All stars!

·       We missed Derm’s drunken presence

·       Whiskey Frank’s blog is way WAY sandier than mine

·       Twitwer is a douche

·       I love Resident Evil

·       I don’t get as many texts from the Blogfather since I started calling him the Blogfather.  I may have been Blogdisowned

·       I’ll never play another softball game with Blonde Benson again….until he comes out of retirement for like the 30^th time

·       Massive Head Wound Aaron looks exactly like Ben Folds

·       Demo better have a fucking buffalo chicken hoagie with NO BLEU CHEESE for me next Tuesday

·       Ron, Hoagiefest is Wednesday

·       The Fart Museum is 0-2 since the Darkness got hurt

·       Tim had no errors in a game he played.  Stunned

·       Dr. Verne Benson hates catching line drives in the air

·       Matty Matty Matty has filed a restraining order against Dr. Benson

·       Fishtown Benson only runs when he’s trying to screw me

·       Pam Pammed us in the 1^st inning

·       The Camel likes caramel

·       La Nice ________________  insert young boy reference

·       Supernintendo Al had a board meeting with the King Koopa

Quotes from the Week

“Oh, boy, now I’ll have more time for activities and projects!”

Rice, referring to why he’s quitting softball

“Thanks for showing up on time, Swede.”

“Sorry, I had my urinalysis.”

"In the 'Pines, they called me Hand Job Phyllis."
Fleishanna

"I Love your song 'Brick,' Aaron!"

"Want me to sign your yearbook?"

"That Blonde Benson is one wise cracker, shut yo' mouth!"

Black Marino and/or Joey Fleishoes

"My car won't start."

Mickles

"I smash so I do 6-8 months for mayhem."

Ogre

"Come to my musical, Kyle Jacobs A One Man Show About Breast Cancer."

"I pushed my boobs together so that they would look like a cross-eyed torso. Pow!"

Phyllis

"We beat the Fart Museum by like 30 runs and I had 3 homeruns....can I sleep in the bed tonight, Anne?"
Nevins

"I write a subpar blog with fallacious lies and I once masturbated in the shower.....a Baby Shower."

Twitwer

"I'm salty."

Pickle

"It was my anniversary........and it sucked."

Derm about why he missed the game

"Lesbians?  Yes, ma'am."

Gabor

"Jews run the media."

Pell

"I should have been there but my girlfriend was pegging me."
Cousins

"Traitoring ain't easy."
Tap Room Casey


"Ed, is that a codpiece?"
Joe the Deported


"I love black guys."
Maureen


"Skin that, Benson!  Not have bookies break my legs this week!"
Skinner


"I hate your quotes.  My country wasn't in the Vietnam War.   I'm from the Philippines.  We're what you call a practice country."
Fleishanna

“Yo, haha, I love spanking the Fart Museum.  There’ll be some serious haha’ing on me!  Marlboro’s all around!”

My Man

Week 7 Lines

Here they are kids, adjust your bets accordingly.

Tuesday (mine)                                              Over/Under

Ball Tap Room +3 at Refugees                          30
FAMtech  at Zoo+7                                            31
PnP +6 at Fart Museum                                      19

Tuesday (Nick)

Ball Tap Room +1  at Refugees                          23

FAMtech at Zoo+3                                             25

PnP +8 at Fart Museum                                      30

The Salty Vegetable

AKA: Benedict Pickle
Team:  Who the fuck knows, Constipickle Center?
CCSL origin story:  Grew up a poor cucumber till one day, walking home from school, he slipped and fell into a bucket of salt, vinegar, and disappointment
Claim to fame:  Won the pool on this blog
Last big win:  n.a.
Next big win:  16-5 over Franklin
Catch phrase:  I matter!
Favorite movie: Babe: Pig in the City
Real Name:  Brian something
Finish the madlib:  Pickle is  _________ (adj,) than ________(#) _________(farm animal) using their _____________(fornication noun) to _______(v) their ____________ __________________ ___________ (something perverted involving fruitloops, paint thinner and a used diaper)
Favorite CCSL player:  Pat
Number of other people who know who he is:  3, his mom, his parole officer, and "Rico" at the Cave
Occupation:  Bill Nye's stunt double
True or False:  Pickle has The Blogfather's autograph, True
Best Idea for a screenplay:  James Bond saves the day but then doesn't sleep with the girl. Instead, he takes her out to dinner then leaves early because he has a head cold.  The rest of the movie is Bond watching the movie Without A Paddle
Date of pickling:  summer, dickety 6
Best friend:  old lefty
Postition:  Pitcher
True or False:  Pickle once went to lunch with Steve Jobs, True, but not the computer guy.  This Steve cleans up the aisles in the movie theater
Tina injury likelihood factor:  11
Career CCSL hits:  4, but only cause that fucker Nick wouldn't play him
Arch rival:  Buddy
CCSL all star main event:  Buddy v Pickle in a no-holds barred one man chicken fight
If he could be anyone else:  Bella from Twilight

How'd he get his nickname:  ask Mickey, something about being a shovel taster or something dumb

Lucky there's a FAMbly team

Sorry for the posting delay, kids, but these things happen when you’re the premier CCSL blogger and you have to deal with media, advertising, and other marketing responsibilities.  But let’s get to it.  It was a busy CCSL week and I’ve got a lot of people to make fun of.  So let’s get cracking.

First, our game.  What can I say about our 14-4 win over the potato FAMines.  We played 3 girls (each of whom had a hit, including Tap Room Casey’s first in the Refugee blue).  Scored 4 in the first to tie the game 4-4 after Matty Matty did not read the ball well on a pop fly.  In trying to make an appropriate reading comparison I would like to render some suggestions and we’ll see which is best.  Matty read that ball like Buddy trying to read Dickens.  Matty got such a good read on that ball that Pennsylvania lost $75000 in Federal literacy funding.  Matty got a worse jump than Mickey reading Goosebumps….I think I’ll stop there.

Nick started the scoring off in the 1^st inning by singling right through Tina on the mound.  He would have absolutely drilled her had it not simply gone through her ectoplasm.  If she had opted for the typical white sheet and chains, she might have been able to knock it down and make a play.  We scored 6 more in the 3^rd and it was pretty much academic from that point on.  Nikki continued her 2 game injury-free streak by not playing and by staring daggers at Ray wherever he was.  Joe G showed up thanks to a work visa and played well despite cutting grass all day. Skinner and Danielle all played well…this was easier when I had the book.  Aside from Matty’s missed ball which led to 3 runs in the 1^st, the FAMtastic fourteen never really got anything going.  Which is Refugee tradition for a 5-0 team.  Boom.

Ralph Kiner’s Game Notes

·      Mickey again screwed his team by not showing up for his 8-6 loss to the Zoo.  I don’t believe in Jebus but if I did, I’d think that he hates the Franklin Institute

·      Nick learned how to use the group text function on his “smart phone”

·      Ryan Reynolds is way more masturbateable than Keira Knightley

·      The Darkness has knee ovaries

·      Ed gets mean when he goes to Catahoula

·      I love LOVE Silent Hill

·      Pickle is a salty vegetable….going through puberty

·      Phyllis’s nipples are crabtastic!

·      Verne Siebert was nominated to the Fishtown all star team….so, of course, he’s now Dr.Benson

·      Where is my pink bat, Camel????

·      Donny Money is the best 70s porn star that I know

·      The Blogfather hates covering NBA playoff basketball almost as much as we all hate watching it

·      It’s 10 o’clock on Friday night, right now, so Ray is asleep, dreaming of hitting balls at female pitchers

·      And Frank is dreaming of cheap whiskey following by unmotivated cat-hating

·      Kyle is dreaming of racism

·      Pam is dreaming of texting everyone else

·      Gabor is dreaming of whatever Pam is dreaming of

·      Dr. Benson is dreaming of Matty

·      I’m dreaming of singing this Snow Patrol song some more 

Quotes from the Week

“I’m in the basement with a young Polish boy.”
La Nice

“Just say yes. Just say there’s nothing holding you back.”
Snow Patrol, yup, told you

“Okay, I will break in and leave it on the table, haha, my man.”
Lynch, about his urinalysis

“Phyllis Demon has bombs.”
Blogfather

“Yo, you should have bet on this, yo, it was closer than you thought!”
Joey Fleishshoes

“I peed on my ex once in the shower. She didn’t appreciate it.”
Darkness

“Look at Raymond, isn’t he a frostman’s age?”
Shut the fuck up Kyle, nobody reads Shakespeare

“You chose…poorly.”
Crusade Knight to Tina

“Loving you is easy cause you’re beautiful.”
John Stamos’ younger brother

“My cousin is way better than me……too bad he spends every Tuesday night dressed up like Diana Ross and entertains the fleet.”
TJ

“My labia is inflamed.”
Rice

“she made me crap somewhere.”
Ed, about his wet nurse

“I had a good read on that.”
No you didn’t, Matty

“Stop playing in foul territory Pete!”
Me, 2006

"Thanks for kicking our ass in '69!"

Pete to Johanna

"Giggity!"
Quagmire


"Ray is the Stalin of my wrist...uh....Russians."
Nikki


"Are the pools, eh, clean, senor?"
You know who


"And you lived your life, like a candle in the wind."
Ed to Carolyn, post-race


"fuck you Mickey!  that could have been 1!"
Buddy, Candy, throw a Franklin rock


"Still Pow!"
Still Phyllis boobs


"Anybody wanna go see the Everly Brothers at Silk City this Monday afternoon?"
Gabor

Zoo Recap

Well, kids, we nearly pissed it away (similar to my picture on another blog).  But in the end, we prevailed over the Zoo on a refurbished Dairy 2 by a final score of 14-9 I think.  Again, don’t have the book in front of me since Tim takes it home every week to give himself a scorebook enema (also known as the Widowmaker).  
  
We scored 9 runs in the 1^st.  My gimpy back removed me from the lineup after once through so that “Too Drunk to Stand” Dermowitz would stop pouting and start swinging and missing.  9 runs in the first, lots of hard hit singles that nearly killed their pitcher and certainly would have destroyed a Fleisher pitcher (too soon?).  But everyone was fine.  TJ Cousins made his Refugee debut in vintage Franklin form….couple of nice hits followed by a couple of terrible throws.  In his defense, I’m not sure there was a throw that Derm could have caught yesterday but I’m positive that those weren’t them.  Those weren’t they?  Them wasn’t these?  Jesus!  Just Flynn’d up my grammar here.   
Moving on, Memorial Nick went 2-3 or something to remain in 2^nd place on the Refugee batting as I hit a sac fly to remain where I am….at the top.  Normally this sort of self promotion would not be included in this blog, but since it annoys Nick that he’s second I’ll allow it. 

Danielle and rookie Tap Room Traitor Casey (Traitcy) played well, although I think Traitcy went 0-3 and would like to use her Refugee mulligan for the game.  Too bad.  Take some laps and don’t’ worry about it too much.  We’re not the Tap Room.  You won’t be cut or told to spend the night in the Ogre’s van.  Unless you want to.  In which case, let us know so we can get another girl for next Tuesday.   

Verne fell in love with Matty and it was cute to see.  Hanging on his every word, getting that twinkle in his eye when matty smiled at him.  It’s the way Vellia used to feel about anyone who talked to him.  It’s the Pam’s dog used to feel about running in circles.  The way buddy’s hair felt before it starting falling into the sink when he was 9.  The way Phyllis’s boobs crackle in the South Jersey beach sun.  The way Nevins gets ¾ just thinking about the last sentence.  Yeah.  Verne had that feeling last night.

Also Buddy’s dad has shown up to more of our games this year than C Marino.  Nice to have fans.  Where’s Ali again?

Around the league, Frank likes Die Hard, Ray broke Nikki’s hand on a liner back up the middle.  Bad Ray!  Rice is a dingleberry, and Pickle gets very bored.  Now you’re caught up.  2 games this week and my over/unders were off by a combined 3 runs.  Damn I’m good.  Lines could have been better but I’m pulling this sideways out of my cornhole so bear with me.

\

Ralph Kiner’s Game Notes

·       I didn’t have a hit breaking the streak of games since the last time I didn’t have a hit

·       Casey’s pressing too much after an 0-3 start

·       TJ Cousins has made a cardboard cutout of Derm to throw softballs at

·       Gonzo still hasn’t learned to charge the ball

·       Pete can’t “turn it off”

·       Tim swallows

·       The Blogfather, La Nice, Flynn, Buddy's Dad, and the Darkness gave us a nice little audience

·       Lynches are the best mid-game meal

·       Roxy drank a Lynch

·       Buddy’s dad loves us more than his son who he say he “would kill.”  Direct quote.

·       My intestines have not forgiven me for Taco Bell Sunday.  Yo Quiero colonic!

·       We wish Nikki a quick recovery.  Better start thawing Tina now for Tuesday

·       Adam takes the most obvious “get me out swing”

·       Matty Matty Matty

·       C Marino showed up/still awful to talk to

·       Derm has sobered up………………..now. 

·       Mickles texts me more now that he’s on another team

·       Ed was pissed he wasn’t in the 2 hole

·       Paul made a sleeveless diving catch with a hair flip and a GQ pose….or was it Parade Magazine…maybe it was for Out

·       Skinner had the flu which means lost big at the track

·       Andrea misses me

·       Whiskey Frank takes WAY too long to put up his posts

Quotes from the Week

“Dammit Ray!”

“Pow!  Haha, Pow.”

Phylly’s Boobs

“Hello Blogfather.”

“Hello Blogson.”

“Seriously, I don’t care about my batting average.”

Nick, lying

“I farted.”

Derm

"My tolerance for people is very high."

El Colach

“Crunch, crunch, crunch…..good spine.”

La Nice

“We didn’t have a game this week so I don’t need to pay attention to anyone else’s team.”

Nevins

“So, then, I just dropped her back off at her dorm and went to work.”

Nick

“Nick…seriously…I can pitch….i’m drunk that not much.”

Derm

"Give me yours, I can't get mine up!"

El Colach

“Get him the F____ out of there!”

Oberlin about Derm

"Mr Muhler!!!!"
Memorial Nick

"Fucker didn't tell me we there rained out.  I"m going to murder Buddy."
Buddy's Dad

"You can use my shovel and my bags of lye."
Kyle Jacobs

“At least we didn’t get Rayned out.”

Edventures

“Yo, I didn’t like the spotlight, haha.  It was wildly inaccurate, haha!”

Lynch

“Philadelphia has a Zoo?”

Gonzo

“I bought a jersey, didn’t pay for it, and don’t live in this state.”

Pell

“Where’s my ‘Will Drop Pants for Booze’ sign?  I can’t go to the street without it.”

Derm

"27 hours Mickey."

Blogson

“I miss the Pickle’s Historical Reference of the Week.”
 

Benedict Pickle

“Your blog sucks.  Frank’s blog has video…..and a ferris wheel.”

Darkness

“I gotta get more segments for this thing.”

Me

"That's a quadrangle of awesomeness."

El Colach

"I can't either have sex with you or you can watch me go to the lake to drink."

The Camel

“I don’t like my nickname.”

Traitsey

"I don't get quoted anymore."

Benson

"You all know me.  How do I NOT put this  picture on the blog?

Week 6 Lines

Week 6 Lines

Monday                                                                                  Over/Under

Art at Collar+3                                                                                     35       

(CCSL Game of the Week!)

Pickles+24 at Tap Room                                                                     31

Micklin Institute+5 at FAMbly Affair                                                     26

Tuesday

Pencils at Bad Touch +12                                                                   27

Micklin+10 at Zoo                                                                               28

Refugees at We Are FAMbly+17                                                        36