So, Mickey learned how to putt. Yes, I had written a diffferent post, but after reading his little love letter, I've altered my plan.
We are the jilted lover. You left us, not the other way around. It was tough at first, but you chose the younger, sexier, beardier version of us. We asked you back and what did you say????? You said you'd think about it.
So we moved on, got some self-confidence back. Sure we tried other teams, cut ourselves in the mirror while crying, watched a lot of Meg Ryan movies, ate a lot of chocolate ice cream (Renardo!), drank a lot of gin, and tried to pull ourselves out of the gutter than Tucker lives in. But it's not the same. It'll never be the same. That's what you did to us. And now, we have to move on, like Tucker to an out of district middle school, there will always be someone who doesn't know what you've done. Do I regret the last 8 years? No. Do I regret how they ended? I don't know, I've been ginning since 7. But well played Mickles, good post little redheaded stepblogger.
On with the fun.
Well,
kids, it was a tough loss….but we carry on.
Oh, no, wait, it was Buddy. The
same Buddy who “guaranteed” a victory in February. He will now forever be known as The
February ChampionTM. You
can’t win championships in Feb, guys.
So
our game was postponed cause of darkness after 6 at 29-14. A high scoring affair to say the least and
certainly entertaining, even for the 2 innings that Pete saw. I don’t have the book in front of me so the
box score will have to wait. It wasn’t
close and it wasn’t pretty. Lots of
errors, miscues, and bombs by the visiting team. Only 9 Refugees showed up at the start, the
other members were cast away from the floating door as we neared the
shore. Many had scurvy, some didn’t have
the funds to pay for the travel. One
Refugee was cast overboard to send a message….That Refugee was Chris M cause
he’s a douche. Here's where Mickey would wax poetic about what things meant in the grand scheme of things...but I'm a blog veteran. 70% of people reading this are just skimming till they see their name. Right Nevins?
Our Team
Derm didn’t have a
homerun making it a 2-game HR-less drought.
2nd longest of his career.
The longest, of course, was as many games as he had played in prior to
hitting his first against the Constitution Pickles. Gonzo got some work in at short and 3rd
and learned the hard way that you have to move towards the ground ball in order
to throw someone out. In his defense, he
was throwing to Ed, our new 2-hitter.
Others
Let’s discuss the fun we had with our dirty
old uncle, the Franklin Institute. A
place I called home for the better part of 8 seasons. Sad to see it go. Sadder to see it run into the ground by
Mickey’s horrible infrastructure. But we
move on.
How
many former TFI’s started for the Fighting Mickles? Let’s see, Brett Favre, Mickey, Wiggz (with
absolutely no life or personality whatsoever last night. Hmm.), Chandra, Barb
(ish), Jason “I can’t beat the shift”, Pickle (no he has his own team), Pat (no
he has his own team), Vellia (no he’s in prison for exposing himself to police
horse) Buddy (with beard), Deb (Buddy didn’t even play her), Alyssa (sans
Ziggy) and Mrs. Candy…..That might be it.
Wish I had the book. Where was
Tucker? Has his wyld ryde finally ended?
How bout that dude Fonio? Or Jim
something? Anyway, about half the
starting Micklin Instituters were rookies.
Advanced scouting kept the team in the game for 3 hitters as Mickles decided
to put rookie Maureen into right center to make me fly out to her 4 times. I tried.
I was unsuccessful. I’m sorry
Maureen.
In
the top of the 1st, Buddy surprised everyone, except his father who
was at Edgely 4 watching a different team, by making a play on a ground ball
from Ed. There was a standing
ovation. He later gave it back when
Moira hit a similar groundball and it ate him up like La Nice at a 15 year old
Puerto Rican Neck Convention. The
Mickles did spray the ball around a little bit and scored 14 runs on a drunk,
injured, heckletastic Refugee team so give them some credit. Done.
Now
on to other stuff.
I’ve
remembered that part of what made my blog suck slightly less than The Blogfathers’s last year
was that we had weekly awards. So let’s
bring some of those back. We’ll start
small.
Best play of the night: Sorry, but it goes to me for throwing the
ball at Mickey coaching 3rd and banking it off the fence to knock
over his beer. Win.
Worst play of the night: Nick dropping Mickey’s intentional fly ball
and allowing the little Irishman to scamper/giggle his way around the bases
Best idea of the night: Me again, for wasting everyone’s time by
bringing the book to shortstop so I could write down how many FC’s Buddy had
Revelation of the night: Moira explaining to Skinner that we were
being so overtly mean to the other team because they kicked us off their team
last year. Skinner giggling.
Slowest driver of the
night: Pete
Weekly Paul-not-showing up
Award:
Paul
Ralph Kiner’s Post game
Thoughts
·
Wagner’s a solid 2 hitter when Buddy doesn’t get in his head
·
Jason can be “benson’d” with position shifting
·
Mickles “don’t like to be throwed at”
·
Maureen thinks I’m creepy
·
Maureen’s right
·
Nick got his 30 runs
·
Should have taken the over
·
Barb plays unsportsmanlike especially with broken shortstops trying to
score
·
Alyssa is meaner without Ziggy
·
I miss Ziggy
·
Buddy would rather get beat by us than deal with the fact that the
Flyers are done
·
Renardo’s black
·
Gonzo likes to go to bars
·
Pete drives like a dead mermaid with Alzheimer’s
·
Kyle doesn’t like to be called a Nazi
·
Mickey should not have stayed
·
Brett Favre doesn’t like to be called Brett Favre. Based on his attire, he prefers to be called
1920’s Pippi Longstocking (cause they didn’t have color back then)
·
Skinner thinks she joined the weirdest team
·
Skinner’s right (but glad she did cause it means less Gabor texting
time)
·
I haven’t mentioned Timmeh yet which means he didn’t do anything to
embarrass himself
·
Turd Ferguson
Quotes from the Week
“Buddy you just committed
a hate crime!”
When Buddy tried to push
the Black Marino off the bag
“I can’t believe I flied
out to Pippi Longstocking!”
Moira
“They’re rattling my
cage!”
Alyssa
“I’m going to go pee but
really I’m going to cry.”
Derm referencing how Nick
puts too much pressure on the team
“I forgot my glove.”
Moira
“Moira, can you move a
little to the left?”
“Gonzo, move over to your
left….no left…..No left!!!! Oh, I mean
right.”
Me, unfortunately
“My boobs are like “POW”
today.”
Phyllis
“nailed that girl pitcher
with a line drive! Slam!”
La Nice
“I have a Manayunk league
so I can’t play and I suck and nobody likes me and my penis is small and dark
and I have a beard that sometimes gets food stuck in it.”
Darkness
“But I don’t wanna make
the lineup this week!!!!!!”
Nevins
“I’m still dead.”
Willmarth
“You’re a very lucky
woman, Moira.”
Mickey, in no way
sarcastically
“The Collar pickled us
tonight.”
Pat
“Since when do you take
instruction? Just write funny stuff!”
Yes, Blogfather
“You guys are such
asses! I hate you! I’ve never playing again!”
Sadderm
“At least I didn’t get
quoted.”
Maureen
“Take that, Honkies!”
Barb
“Yeah, I know who Pete
is!”
Deb
"Does Dorothy know that you're not under the house?"
Nick to Brett Favre
"Is it in? I can't feel it."
Tina
"Yo, my n____ haha seriously haha."
Foreigner
“I should be having more
fun but none of these girls go to Temple.”
Who do you think?
“I didn’t go to any of
these games tonight but you better believe I’m drunk wherever I am.”
Whiskey Frank
“It’s too cloudy and pasty
outside so I don’t exist….or can’t be seen by the naked eye.”
Rice
“My dad doesn’t take
pictures of me anymore now that we’re 0-3.”
Buddy
“I’m not traveling up to
Belmont!”
Paul
“I’m already to play,
Tuesday!”
Matty
“I agreed to be a power
bottom so I’m gonna miss Monday’s game, Skip.”
Verne
“Do these socks make me
look gay?”
“No, everything else
does.”
Brett and Jason
"Elmer, do you hate the fact that Mark Ruffalo played you in the movie?"
Me to Taproom Ogre
“The shift is in my head!”
Duh
"Auntie Charlie, Auntie Charlie, it's a twister, it's a twister!"
This picture is Nick Tebowing in centerfield.
AKA: Benedict Pickle
Well, kids, we nearly pissed it away (similar to my
picture on another blog). But in the
end, we prevailed over the Zoo on a refurbished Dairy 2 by a final score of
14-9 I think. Again, don’t have the book
in front of me since Tim takes it home every week to give himself a scorebook
enema (also known as the Widowmaker). 
Team: Pencils
Team: Ball Tap
"Auntie Charlie, Auntie Charlie, it's a twister, it's a twister!" 