The Blonde Benson

Team:  Ball Tap

Origin Story:  Radioactive albino Norwegian Elkmoose bit him when he was out fjording

Relation to Benson:  Blonder

Number of Excel spreadsheets to date:   1.37 x 10¹²

Did he ever get that fruit punch? Unknown

Buddy hate factor:  6

 Months it took to sell the house:  273

Claim to fame?  Each team in the CCSL has acquired a bat utilizing his 827 page manifesto

Biggest fear:  ran out of T-squares or laser levels

Alter ego:  Anal Retentive, 3B

Body shot off of Phyllis?  No

Body shot off of Taproom Ogre?  Yes

Favorite Engineer:  Whoever made Elmer out of clay and hate

Height:   Blonde
Weight:  4 Al's

Nickname:  That guy who knows Pam

Favorite recipe:  homemade Chili

·       3.5 large tomatoes

·       2 lbs 87.5% fat free organic beef from the left-center  portion of the right butt flank

·       2 onions, sliced into 5 mm  sections

·       1 garlic, washed for 20 minutes in water (103°F)

·       Add ingredients, cook for 2.5 weeks at 76°F

·       Do P90X in basement during this time while looking at picture of Thomas Edison

Dead?  Haven't seen him since he flipped me off
Number of mourners at service:  4

Number that weren’t Nicole:  4

Size of casket:  8 cubits

Did Phyllis weep:  yes, softly

Will Hans have him exhumed and brought to Detroit:  when he sobers up

Number of people that will miss him:  17

Number that aren't Nordic or fans of Excel:  5
Vagina factor:  18 on the La Nice Crusty-Meter
Grossness of the last comment?  3 Kyles
 It's raining, I'm typing, haven't heard from Nick in a while, which M town is he currently not pleasuring a tranny in?   Morristown
Is Jeremy there?  Yes, passed out watching Matlock
Will I miss you Brian?  Absolutely
Are you still an assraping pedophile clown?  Most definitely