Yo, Haha!

Team: Pencils
Weight:  8 Marlboros, 5 of them 'bummed'
Favorite movie:  Lynches from the Mist
Girlfriend:  unknown
Live-in sugarmomma who insults people at his games:  Amy
Superhero origin story:  Born when a used Skoal cassette mated with dryer lint and had a child that they couldn't afford.  Fast forward 53 years.
How'd he end up on the Pencils:  Nevins could drive him
Catch phrase:  Ha ha my man!
Follow up phrase:  Yo!  let's get some rum!!!
Favorite show:  Rescue Me, seriously, I'm never gonna watch that fucking show so stop telling me about it.  Goddammit!
Favorite Ford quote:  "You're not as bad as Russ."
Claim to fame: Can be slid through a mail slot
Nickname:  The Zookeeper
Number of giraffes he gave herpes to:  5, including Whiskey Frank
Favorite recipe:  Cigarette A la Mode
              5 Cigarettes, preferably unfiltered
              2 Bottles rum
              mix liberally, sprinkle with racism
Worst day of his life:  When he caught "ick" from that slutty tuna
Name of the last girl Nick slept with:  "The slutty tuna"
Number of high fives I'll get after posting this:  8

Number that will be intentional:  Haha, my n________!
Refund on his 2011 Taxes:  Sucker, taxes are for citizens
Current Phyllis Peeing her pants gross factor:  2 Kyles
Haha v. Buddy in a Bald-off:    Buddy (lit cigarettes ignited his beard)
If he were a flavor of ice cream he'd be:  New York Cheese-caked with Semen
The S. Lynch:  1 oz Dr. Pepper, 5 oz Rum
Do you have a drink named after you? No? Then go ______ your n'loving _______ with a hookspoon
What's a hookspoon?  You'd have to go to juvie to know
Biggest dream in life:  To not die of scurvy
Favorite band:  The I Can Break Into Your House to Get My Keys Whenever I Want So You Should Move...........and the Pips
Picture on his license most resembles?:  Are you kidding, he can't drive